Posts of Vital Importance: Undershirts.

 

It's been a while since I've written on something truly important. But, God, I'm such a major fan of wearing undershirts. There. Now you know: Undershirts. I'm a Big Fan of Them.

 

One of the presumed functions of an undershirt is to act as a buffer between the upper body and the outer shirt. Any sweat, for example, theoretically goes into the undershirt, thus prolonging the life and the general well being of the outer shirt. You may be sensing some ironic point here -- namely, that adding an undershirt likely also makes us warmer, which may cause additional sweating, in which case you'd be clever to ask: Why wear one? However, in my experience, this simply isn't true. Undershirts are light-weight and do not cause noticeable increases in perspiration.

 

Now, if you're like me, you also put thought into the kind of undershirt you select. As with every other ridiculously esoteric issue in our society, there are options -- among them:  (1) the crew neck, (2) the V-neck, and (3) the tank-top.  I'm a crew-neck guy, 100%. In fact, wearing either a V-neck or a tank-top would make little or no sense to me.

 

Oh, sure, I suppose there is a certain logic to the V-neck, as it would likely hide the existence of an undershirt to anyone who may be interested in determining your underclothing preferences. Its existence must be related to that very thing -- the ability to wear, say, a button-down shirt with a few buttons undone, thus exposing a bit of chest. But that's trickery. It's like saying, "Hey, look, I'm not wearing an undershirt" when, in fact, you really are. I'd question the ethics, and indeed character, of anyone who makes such a choice.

 

The tank-top variety makes absolutely no sense. If the undershirt's function has to do with perspiration, why eliminate the very regions (the armpits) most involved in that function?  If anything, there should be a reverse-tanktop model that covers only the armpits and nothing else. Novel, aye, but that would seem weird.

 

Undershirts are also handy as loungewear, allowing you to maintain some semblance of decency around the house without being one of those ubiquitous shirtless Yahoos native to so many neighborhoods of the great unwashed. Put a shirt on, for Crist's sake.

 

And, hey, there have been great strides in modern times vis-a-vis labeling. So, if that's holding you back from incorporating the undershirt into your daily routine, it's time to visit Target once again. See, they print the labels these days -- yep, right on the fabric. No more annoying, itchy tag on the back-of-the-neck! So, go out and celebrate the undershirt today. You'll be glad you did.

 

This has been an installment of vital importance.  Thank you for reading it.

 

Most sincerely,

  ~ Patrick Hillman