IMHO Installment #2: Mannequins Are Creepy

 

IMHO...

 

Marketing Directors get weird mail sometimes.  I guess, in some strange way, I can understand the thinking behind whatever nitwit sent me a Mannequin Catalog in the mail today.  After all, some marketing people work at department stores that sell clothes and, presumably, have a call for mannequins.

 

However, anyone who has taken Marketing 101 understands a little thing called targeting.  That is to say, if you're in the business of selling mannequins, it might be a good idea to restrict your catalog distribution list to clothing retailers. Business consultancies such as Horn Dog Enterprises (HDE) have little need for mannequins.

 

Some people think mannequins are pretty cool -- sexy, even.  This is nothing new, of course. It dates back at least two millennia to Ovid, whose Pygmalion describes a lonely artist who sculpts a hot babe, falls in love with her, and the Gods bring her to life for him. Since then, we've had George Bernard Shaw's play adaptation, followed by Audrey Hepburn and Rex Harrison in My Fair Lady ("...just you wait, 'enry 'iggins..."), followed later by the 80's movie Mannequin (starring then heart-throb -- at least according to my wife, anyway -- Andrew McCarthy).  That was the 80s, though. Add two decades of perversion, and you inevitably wind up with the superlatively skeevy Real Dolls (as featured on the Howard Stern show) -- "fully functional" mannequins, basically.

 

Now, here at HDE, I've no doubt that numerous members of our management might like looking at the naked forms within this mannequin catalog. Anything even remotely titillating is worth a look (seems to be the philosophy, anyway). I've yet to be forwarded any mannequin porn, but I'm sure it's coming sooner or later.

 

Browsing the catalog, I see that good mannequins seem to run about $350 each. I never knew that, so I suppose this experience has been educational. 

 

In closing, I've taken the liberty of scanning one of the creepier pages for your viewing displeasure.  As an informal poll, I'd like to hear which form you find creepiest.  For me, it was a close race between A and G.  In the end, though, I found A to be the most disturbing of them all. There's something just wrong about this, right?